husband of a sahm
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Being the Husband of a Stay-at-Home Mom

Happy Friday, you guys! Oh. My. Goodness. I’m so happy it’s Friday! Just… 7 more hours until my husband is home for the weekend!

Speaking of my hubbles, he asked if he could do a post today – I was so excited! He is coming to you today with a dad’s perspective. It’s always nice to peer into the minds of the men in our lives, right? He decided to write a post about being the husband of a stay-at-home mom.

Grab some coffee, kick back, and prepare to laugh. I may or may not have both laughed and cried a bit when he sent this to me, but we won’t talk about that.

Being the Husband of a Stay-at-Home Mom

HI! I’m Jonathan, the infamous “hubby” or “hubbles” Rachel often refers to. I suggested to Rachel about me writing a post about my side of things. What is it like to be the husband of a stay-at-home mom? I want to touch on a few different things:

  • My expectations, or expectations in general.
  • Offering to help, when to offer to help and when not to.
  • Last, I want to talk about communication.

Expectations

I believe Rachel and I have a good and healthy relationship. I want to explain how we do things in our house. We have a well-defined division of labor. Since I am working, and she is at home with the Monkey all day, Rachel handles most of the household chores. I can already hear the keyboards clicking about how sexist that is or whatnot. That has nothing to do with it. I would gladly swap places with Rachel, hell, that was the original plan. I was going to be the stay-at-home Dad and she would be working. That just isn’t how things turned out.

What I Don’t Expect

Now to get to my main point(s). Rachel understands my expectations (or rather lack thereof). I do not expect dinner to be made for me when I get home. I don’t expect the house to be spotless all the time. I don’t expect all the dishes to be clean. Now, this is not because I don’t think Rachel is a good wife or mom. I have these expectations because I know she is busy doing more important things and holding up to my other expectations.

What I Do Expect

Here are a few things I do expect. I expect our child to be well taken care of. I expect our child to be loved. I expect our child to be fed. I expect our dog to be taken care of. I do expect to have clean clothes for work. This one Rachel is good about – my work clothes usually take priority.
The way we handle expectations may not be common-place, or they might be; I don’t know. We have a mutual understanding of how things are run in the house. I understand her expectations and she understands mine. For the most part, they are all about loving each other and making sure everyone is happy and healthy.
Everything else is secondary.

What is it like being the husband of a SAHM? One dad gives you the scoop.

Helping

This may seem like a basic one, but I feel like can be a touchy subject. This also kind of goes back to Rachel’s expectations. I know she expects me to help around the house. I do not generally offer my help, I, for the most, part just help. I will pick up the toys when Kenna goes to bed. Of course, Rachel does ask me to help sometimes, but for the most part I help. If I know Rachel needs a bit of extra help, I will take over some of the other chores as well.
I think the best and biggest relief I can give is taking the Monkey off her hands. Usually when I get home I will take Kenna and keep her out of Rachel’s hair until dinner is ready. Then, after dinner I usually will keep Kenna with me in the living room while Rachel cleans up. Why can’t I clean up and she takes care of Kenna? I could, but I am pretty sure Rachel would prefer I play with Kenna while she cleans up.

Communication

This by far is the most important. Having open communication is super important. Rachel and I didn’t always have the best communication and probably could improve. However, we do have good communication. I express when I am in a funk, and she will let me know if she had a rough day or needs something from me.
If you need something, YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE IT. Haha! I joke; but for real, dads and men in general are fucking idiots. You need to tell them straight out. None of this guessing shit. Sorry for my language, but it is out of love.
Another huge piece of communication is making sure you tell your spouse how grateful you are and how much they mean to you. I always thank Rachel for making dinner or any meal. Each and every time. I tell her how much she means to me all the time. I tell her how beautiful she is.
Just because we are married doesn’t mean I have to stop winning her heart. She is my wife, partner, lover, and best friend. I want her to know she is my world.

Let’s wrap this up

Okay okay okay, I am done being mushy and making my wife cry.
I think I touched on everything I wanted to talk about. I don’t expect this to be a regular thing. I just had an idea and I like to write. I am not sure how many husbands will read this or what the other stay-at-home moms took away from this.
I hope that seeing into how one working Husband/Dad thinks may give you some insight into how other may think. I am not sure if I am like other men. I am not sure if other dads think like I do. Maybe it was the way I was raised. I don’t know.
I hope everyone has a good weekend. Try not to get mad at your husband for being dumb. X.X

-Jonathan

3 Comments

  1. Some good thoughts! I have to love the last sentence “Try not to get mad at your husband for being dumb.” lol! I feel like it goes vice versa sometimes too *sheepish grin*

    1. Hahaha! Yes! I cracked up so hard when he sent this to me XD
      I like to think we understand each other pretty well, but it really is impossible to read someone else’s mind! Communication has to be at the foundation in a marriage, otherwise it will be the toughest thing to make work.

      1. ahamilton2 says:

        100% agree! It’s a daily challenge for sure but so important!

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